This is the trailer for the 2011 new Disney movie titled Prom.

While watching this, my chest felt tight and I wanted to cry.  I feel jealous of people who love high school - some don't even move on. As for me, I moved on before it even ended and as of now, I don't intend to look back.  This is a perennial feeling for me.  Every time.

My mom loved high school.  Although she wasn't well-off or anything, she is always proud whenever she relates stories to us, and I could feel that she lived through high school to her fullest.  A lot of my friends are like that.  Often, I find myself wondering how high school couples could last, or how they could still have feelings for each other.  I find myself wondering where they get the enthusiasm to go back to the school.  I can understand the attachment to friends, and perhaps that's the only thing I want to keep from that time.  But the other memories... well.

To be quite honest, I join reunions looking for that reason to justify bringing myself to relinquish 'good times'.  High school for me was merely 'fun', but I can say with confidence that wasn't the time of my life.  It isn't a time I'd like to go back to and re-live.

This is why I feel so frustrated and listless now that I'm in college.  Perks managed to at least make that nameless feeling for me, and still, I'm in a constant search for that feeling, the feeling of being infinite.  That feeling of being so happy that I could throw my head back and laugh just by remembering it.  When can I feel that way?  When can I experience that feeling of actually living, that moment wherein I could just die and know that I'd leave no regrets?

What am I missing?  What am I looking for?

Labels: school

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