Infinite Friday, November 19, 2010 / 3:05 AM
0 samurai left a message
This is the trailer for the 2011 new Disney movie titled Prom.
While watching this, my chest felt tight and I wanted to cry. I feel jealous of people who love high school - some don't even move on. As for me, I moved on before it even ended and as of now, I don't intend to look back. This is a perennial feeling for me. Every time.
My mom loved high school. Although she wasn't well-off or anything, she is always proud whenever she relates stories to us, and I could feel that she lived through high school to her fullest. A lot of my friends are like that. Often, I find myself wondering how high school couples could last, or how they could still have feelings for each other. I find myself wondering where they get the enthusiasm to go back to the school. I can understand the attachment to friends, and perhaps that's the only thing I want to keep from that time. But the other memories... well.
To be quite honest, I join reunions looking for that reason to justify bringing myself to relinquish 'good times'. High school for me was merely 'fun', but I can say with confidence that wasn't the time of my life. It isn't a time I'd like to go back to and re-live.
This is why I feel so frustrated and listless now that I'm in college. Perks managed to at least make that nameless feeling for me, and still, I'm in a constant search for that feeling, the feeling of being infinite. That feeling of being so happy that I could throw my head back and laugh just by remembering it. When can I feel that way? When can I experience that feeling of actually living, that moment wherein I could just die and know that I'd leave no regrets?
What am I missing? What am I looking for?
Labels: school
Bad Gone Good Thursday, September 16, 2010 / 7:12 AM
0 samurai left a message
This day started out bad.
I was supposed to be at school by 7 am for our play practice. I woke up at 5:30 when I usually woke up at 4. I was still groggy, and it took me about half an hour just to eat cereal because I kept nodding off while at the dinner table.
Despite that, I got to school on time, but no one was there. 45 minutes have passed and still, no one. Eventually, Razel and Karen came, and we all waited until 8. I was starving so I told them that we should all go. Sad and frustrated, I ate at the caf and my stomach, which wasn't used to having rice for breakfast, felt very queasy the whole morning.
Table tennis, though, was bearable. Ida and I totally lost one of our games (in our defense, they were from the Advanced Group) but it was okay since we were both sabaw. We lost most of our games but had an okay time, nonetheless.
Theo was rather uneventful. After that, we went to our exhibit for our NSTP to practice. One of our groupmates, Mina, lost her bag and we all knew that it was stolen. Recently, there's been a string of thefts in the Ateneo, and this one was crafted behind a plan to distract us by toppling over one of the exhibits and running with the bag while we fix them. She had a Mac, her new phone and her wallet in there. It was rather depressing.
Straight after that, I went to the Fine Arts faculty to confirm our theater reservation. Everything was going smoothly, until they realized that someone booked their rehearsal on the same time our actual play was booked. We were left with no place to perform.
By Filipino, our lack of a proper venue hit me hard. There was no way I could reserve a new one and everything else was booked, anyway. In the middle of class, I just said, "Putangina! Putangina!" and cried in my seat. My seatmates were comforting me and I felt ashamed, so I told them I was okay and just slept during the reporting.
I was numb for the rest of the day, and went through Japanese class without knowing what's going on. I was drawing everywhere, and when I finished drawing an eye at the back of my hand, I tapped my groupmate on the back and put my hand on my forehead and said: "May third eye ako. Ahaha." and he looked at me weirdly. (Looking back, lol, I sounded so crazy ahaha). I think I did okay with the quiz, though, because I know the kanji of the days of the week by heart.
The practice was okay, too. My groupmates came in late, but at least we did something. The reactions to the lack of a venue really hit me again. Although I was numb, I felt so disappointed in myself.
Things started picking up, though, when I talked to our group's director. I felt scared since I didn't want to disappoint him. He just told me that I was doing a good job, after all.
Me: (deep breath) Alfred, sa classroom na lang pala tayo magpaplay.
Alfred: Ah, okay.
Me: (near tears) Oh my God, I love you forever Alfred. That's the nicest response I've heard so far.
I was happy because he didn't give me that blaming look, nor did he talk about how screwed we were. He just accepted it as a fact and moved on, and even told me that having it in the classroom would make things easier.
After that, things started picking up. Alfred asked if we were interested in grabbing a bite to eat, and Momo, Jesan and I came with him to Pizza Hut. We talked for a long time and reminisced about high school and ate some awesome food and went home happy.
I think that all in all, this was a good day.
----
Away Sunday, September 12, 2010 / 7:01 AM
2 samurai left a message
I was supposed to be at school by 7 am for our play practice. I woke up at 5:30 when I usually woke up at 4. I was still groggy, and it took me about half an hour just to eat cereal because I kept nodding off while at the dinner table.
Despite that, I got to school on time, but no one was there. 45 minutes have passed and still, no one. Eventually, Razel and Karen came, and we all waited until 8. I was starving so I told them that we should all go. Sad and frustrated, I ate at the caf and my stomach, which wasn't used to having rice for breakfast, felt very queasy the whole morning.
Table tennis, though, was bearable. Ida and I totally lost one of our games (in our defense, they were from the Advanced Group) but it was okay since we were both sabaw. We lost most of our games but had an okay time, nonetheless.
Theo was rather uneventful. After that, we went to our exhibit for our NSTP to practice. One of our groupmates, Mina, lost her bag and we all knew that it was stolen. Recently, there's been a string of thefts in the Ateneo, and this one was crafted behind a plan to distract us by toppling over one of the exhibits and running with the bag while we fix them. She had a Mac, her new phone and her wallet in there. It was rather depressing.
Straight after that, I went to the Fine Arts faculty to confirm our theater reservation. Everything was going smoothly, until they realized that someone booked their rehearsal on the same time our actual play was booked. We were left with no place to perform.
By Filipino, our lack of a proper venue hit me hard. There was no way I could reserve a new one and everything else was booked, anyway. In the middle of class, I just said, "Putangina! Putangina!" and cried in my seat. My seatmates were comforting me and I felt ashamed, so I told them I was okay and just slept during the reporting.
I was numb for the rest of the day, and went through Japanese class without knowing what's going on. I was drawing everywhere, and when I finished drawing an eye at the back of my hand, I tapped my groupmate on the back and put my hand on my forehead and said: "May third eye ako. Ahaha." and he looked at me weirdly. (Looking back, lol, I sounded so crazy ahaha). I think I did okay with the quiz, though, because I know the kanji of the days of the week by heart.
My third eye
The practice was okay, too. My groupmates came in late, but at least we did something. The reactions to the lack of a venue really hit me again. Although I was numb, I felt so disappointed in myself.
Things started picking up, though, when I talked to our group's director. I felt scared since I didn't want to disappoint him. He just told me that I was doing a good job, after all.
Me: (deep breath) Alfred, sa classroom na lang pala tayo magpaplay.
Alfred: Ah, okay.
Me: (near tears) Oh my God, I love you forever Alfred. That's the nicest response I've heard so far.
I was happy because he didn't give me that blaming look, nor did he talk about how screwed we were. He just accepted it as a fact and moved on, and even told me that having it in the classroom would make things easier.
After that, things started picking up. Alfred asked if we were interested in grabbing a bite to eat, and Momo, Jesan and I came with him to Pizza Hut. We talked for a long time and reminisced about high school and ate some awesome food and went home happy.
I think that all in all, this was a good day.
Labels: school
Away Sunday, September 12, 2010 / 7:01 AM
2 samurai left a message
I didn't go home this week. That isn't a strange occurrence, actually. In fact, I've done it quite a lot in the past. Strangely, though, this particular weekend was rather lonely for me.
Since I lost my phone last week, I haven't been able to have a real conversation with my parents. I was thinking that it wasn't any big deal, but it made me miss them a lot. Before, my mom chatting me up in Y!M annoyed me, but now, I want her to keep IM-ing me (which she can't yet, because she isn't used to the mobile version of Y!M, I think). I miss my dad's formal texts* (which make me feel like I'm a grown-up or something). I felt a bit sad when I actually got to talk to my mom for a short while, and our conversation was just:
Me: Mama! I missed you!
Mama: Ate, hindi ka uuwi?
Me: Hindi.
Mama: Ah, idedeposit na lang daw ni papa yung baon mo. Pag nagwithdraw ka, may laman na yun. Nanalo rin pala si Kurt sa copyreading contest kahit wala silang Journalism sa school.
Me: Uh, okay. D: Um--- mama, kailangan ko ng pambili ng artworks. Pwedeng padagdag kahit na konti lang?
Mama: *tells papa* OK daw.
It's so quick and, I don't know. I kind of missed how everytime I go home, she would whine to me: "Dalawa na lang yung anak ko! Sila na lang yung nakakakain ng masarap!" To which I reply: "Okay lang, diba bunso niyo na si Sadaharu?" (PS Sadaharu and I are friends now! Before I left, he hugged me!!!! ASLFJALSFJA I swear he hugged my legs and cried when we let go <3 FRIENDS YOU HAVE TO MEET HIM, HE'S THE SWEETEST, GAYEST DOG EVER)
Anyway, I think I can survive another week without much contact. It's very busy, and things are passing by in a blur that I'm not sure if something happened or if it didn't.
*On his birthday, I texted my dad a message which took me quite a lot of drafts XD:
Me: Happy birthday, papa! I love you! You're the best father ever!
Papa: K.
----
Getting Better Friday, August 27, 2010 / 10:37 AM
3 samurai left a message
Since I lost my phone last week, I haven't been able to have a real conversation with my parents. I was thinking that it wasn't any big deal, but it made me miss them a lot. Before, my mom chatting me up in Y!M annoyed me, but now, I want her to keep IM-ing me (which she can't yet, because she isn't used to the mobile version of Y!M, I think). I miss my dad's formal texts* (which make me feel like I'm a grown-up or something). I felt a bit sad when I actually got to talk to my mom for a short while, and our conversation was just:
Me: Mama! I missed you!
Mama: Ate, hindi ka uuwi?
Me: Hindi.
Mama: Ah, idedeposit na lang daw ni papa yung baon mo. Pag nagwithdraw ka, may laman na yun. Nanalo rin pala si Kurt sa copyreading contest kahit wala silang Journalism sa school.
Me: Uh, okay. D: Um--- mama, kailangan ko ng pambili ng artworks. Pwedeng padagdag kahit na konti lang?
Mama: *tells papa* OK daw.
It's so quick and, I don't know. I kind of missed how everytime I go home, she would whine to me: "Dalawa na lang yung anak ko! Sila na lang yung nakakakain ng masarap!" To which I reply: "Okay lang, diba bunso niyo na si Sadaharu?" (PS Sadaharu and I are friends now! Before I left, he hugged me!!!! ASLFJALSFJA I swear he hugged my legs and cried when we let go <3 FRIENDS YOU HAVE TO MEET HIM, HE'S THE SWEETEST, GAYEST DOG EVER)
Anyway, I think I can survive another week without much contact. It's very busy, and things are passing by in a blur that I'm not sure if something happened or if it didn't.
*On his birthday, I texted my dad a message which took me quite a lot of drafts XD:
Me: Happy birthday, papa! I love you! You're the best father ever!
Papa: K.
Getting Better Friday, August 27, 2010 / 10:37 AM
3 samurai left a message
After my most recent "reviving moment" which lifted a lot of weight off my shoulders, I could say that this hellweek was the best hellweek I've been through. Sure, I lack sleep, I gained weight, I drank so much coffee and ate so much fruits to stay awake and Eichi has been abused, but I'm happy.
I guess I should be honest and say that I finally was able to be more comfortable with my blockmates. It's probably the longest time I've hung out with them, and my first time laughing out loud in school. I guess it was first brought out when I was scolded for saying 'sorry' all the time. It made me feel bad, but after trying, I still couldn't stop so I told myself to try it slow. Kitkat, my blockmate, pointed it out, and it led to Momo commenting about we could relate it to Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei and in a moment of emulating Ai Kaga, I suddenly said out loud, my hands outstretched (the way Kaga said it), "I'M SO SORRY FOR EXISTING!!!" which is, by far, my most 'comfortable' moment since I started college. I think they laughed because it sounds like something I would actually say.
Another would be how I've started making more friends! A notable one would be an orgmate and a classmate, Martin. He's hilarious XD We were talking about the hosting thing for the Japanese Week, and we were supposed to make aliases. Here's what we talked about (and basically how our conversations go for most of the time):
And another thing:
Japanese Teacher: To those who are familiar with anime and manga, you might have heard of this term. 'ga Arimasen' can be replaced with the more informal 'ga nai'. Like 'okane ga nai' or 'I have no money'.
K: ... *turns to Martin, eyes wide in shock* OMG MARTIN THAT'S THE TITLE OF A YAOI MOVIE.
M: D:<
We're also partners during Jap most of the time. Once, we were asked to make a long dialogue. It's about a foreign exchange student (played by me) asking directions from a sempai (played by him) on where I might find our Japanese teacher. He's supposed to be in the library, studying. So, I make our script and this is how it goes:
play!K: [Is that the library?]
play!M: [Ah. No, that's the toilet.]
play!K: EH?!?! [Amazing!]
M: ... :| WTF. Ang sabaw mo!
K: LOL Sorry naman. May title pa yan. *straight face* [The Magic Toilet].
M: *mentally translates* ... LOL!
Yes. I like smothering him with my yaoi likes and my weirdness. He's kinda the innocent type (he hasn't watched School Days, and he hasn't finished Maid in Hanaukyo :| Which makes me feel so damn tainted) so it's fun talking to him. He's also the tallest guy I know so he likes making fun of short people. But he's an okay person.
I really do hope other weeks remain like this, when I feel myself getting better and better with people.
And I really should practice lessening my saying 'Sorry'.
----
I guess I should be honest and say that I finally was able to be more comfortable with my blockmates. It's probably the longest time I've hung out with them, and my first time laughing out loud in school. I guess it was first brought out when I was scolded for saying 'sorry' all the time. It made me feel bad, but after trying, I still couldn't stop so I told myself to try it slow. Kitkat, my blockmate, pointed it out, and it led to Momo commenting about we could relate it to Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei and in a moment of emulating Ai Kaga, I suddenly said out loud, my hands outstretched (the way Kaga said it), "I'M SO SORRY FOR EXISTING!!!" which is, by far, my most 'comfortable' moment since I started college. I think they laughed because it sounds like something I would actually say.
Another would be how I've started making more friends! A notable one would be an orgmate and a classmate, Martin. He's hilarious XD We were talking about the hosting thing for the Japanese Week, and we were supposed to make aliases. Here's what we talked about (and basically how our conversations go for most of the time):
K: What if I play a fujoshi host girl?
M: WHAT.
K: Oo, tama! And I'd ask my customer, "Hi! I like boys who love other boys! How about you?"
M: ... LOL
And another thing:
Japanese Teacher: To those who are familiar with anime and manga, you might have heard of this term. 'ga Arimasen' can be replaced with the more informal 'ga nai'. Like 'okane ga nai' or 'I have no money'.
K: ... *turns to Martin, eyes wide in shock* OMG MARTIN THAT'S THE TITLE OF A YAOI MOVIE.
M: D:<
We're also partners during Jap most of the time. Once, we were asked to make a long dialogue. It's about a foreign exchange student (played by me) asking directions from a sempai (played by him) on where I might find our Japanese teacher. He's supposed to be in the library, studying. So, I make our script and this is how it goes:
play!K: [Is that the library?]
play!M: [Ah. No, that's the toilet.]
play!K: EH?!?! [Amazing!]
M: ... :| WTF. Ang sabaw mo!
K: LOL Sorry naman. May title pa yan. *straight face* [The Magic Toilet].
M: *mentally translates* ... LOL!
Yes. I like smothering him with my yaoi likes and my weirdness. He's kinda the innocent type (he hasn't watched School Days, and he hasn't finished Maid in Hanaukyo :| Which makes me feel so damn tainted) so it's fun talking to him. He's also the tallest guy I know so he likes making fun of short people. But he's an okay person.
I really do hope other weeks remain like this, when I feel myself getting better and better with people.
And I really should practice lessening my saying 'Sorry'.
Labels: school
Love you, know I’ll fight for you
I left the porch light on for you
I left the porch light on for you
(n. pl. samurai, or -rais)
1. A warrior who lives by the bushido.
2. A person whose sword is in his soul.
3. A position higher than both Hero and Demon King, one of the four Heavenly Demon Kings.
Layout is best viewed in Google chrome.
1. A warrior who lives by the bushido.
2. A person whose sword is in his soul.
3. A position higher than both Hero and Demon King, one of the four Heavenly Demon Kings.
Layout is best viewed in Google chrome.